parasdunia

I never get the point why that complicated Gwen Stefani ever sang, “all I want is just a simple kind, a simple kind of life..” – now I do.

All in the entire of my freakin fu*kin boring life, I was always wishing for a surprise. I was wishing for changes to occur in my life.

Now, whilst my every second was full of surprises and changing beats, I feel completely wanting to surrender.

And all I wanna say is, all I want is just, a simply kind of life.

I want a normal guy, a decent guy. Not too fancy, not too good in music, not too good in classes, not to fashionable, not that cute, not that wonderful, not that smart, and not that funny. But I want him to be normal.

I don’t want some popular guy among others, I don’t want some famous-attractive hottie to accompany me, and I don’t want him to be the one who’s beside me, all the time.

I just want a normal guy, who will stand beside me when I need him, and will not stand beside me when he can’t, because he has his own life, like he always honored mine.

I don’t need a funny guy to keep me awake all night  because with him I can smile and shine. I just need a remote lad, who can help me get through a sleepless night, and didn’t make an aggressive effort to go to bed with me.

I don’t need a hunky-funky man, to keep me horny all the time. To get me wet or felt in love all the day and night, to get me the mood to kiss and to lick, and to blow. I just need a simple gentleman, who knows when to touch, and when to keep out.

I regret to have so many conditions, on how I want to live, or how I want to be loved. Cause life is like that, and that is how you trust on other’s imperfection. It’s not about getting what you want all the time, or how much struggle you put in it, but it is being true about yourself, being honest, and being acceptance to all the wrongs you may sometimes put in the your little senses.

Yes, those little senses might be only a glimps of irreational dreams. That what you see is sometimes just not that beautiful. That perception the eye give is perhaps only what other’s may think. It’s not about he has pimples or not, it’s not about he has muscles or not, or is not even if he has 5 or 6 fingers, anymore!

Is that deception that your skin have to be touched. It’s not about that chemistry you often think it might be a strong signal of love. It’s not about intuition. It’s not about the false alarm your nose might smell, or your eyes might hear, because it’s all replicable and all often artificial.

When you finally get to the one you want, you finally get the perfect figure to suit your mood, you will suddenly collapse, because it is never be whatever in your mind might create. That a kiss is better to be illutionated than to be done, that dreams to be touch are better left as dreams, not to be finalized. There will always be something missing, in all subjects in life. There will always be something wrong, and you will always feel crippled, although you have all your happiness in front of you.

As long as you think that your life is not perfect enough, then you will never get enough. You will try and try harder, and at the end, you’ll be obsessed of what you would never get. So then your life will always be complicated and full of surprises, that is when your emotion starts to take over. That is when you keep changing your mind in every blink of an eye. That is just a point near the final exhaustion, where you will say, “let’s put an end to this wannabe life”.

As long as you stereotyped happiness, it would never show cause you fight too hard till it hurt your own. As long as you can never learn about letting go, and let loose, you will forever be tighten up, on your own modified belt called ‘pressures’.

What it is to be done is to be free from other mammals who gives you the criteria to be happy and to feel that you are loved by each other humans.

What it is to be done is affording a simple structure of hopes, dreams, and let it flush away with time like wind will always pass by in a single noon.

Be a summer breeze to cool any windows, and be a dazzling atmosphere to a dangle away doubts.

Be a normal person for everyone you met.

Don’t be too high, too low, too smart, too good. Cause you can never expect what others want, like you wouldn’t be able to filter your needs.

That’s why I want a simple kind of life, a simple kind of ways to carry on this life, with no high expectation nor target to fetch, but a normal heart to accept, whatever it is might stroke your life.

July, 29^th 2007

3:00 am